I am a woman and I am beautiful

This post is a complete pep talk for my self. It is NOT hunting for compliments, more of a sole searching if you will. If you decide to read on, I hope it is a pep talk for you also.

I have a had several thoughts go through my head lately as I have had many conversation with friends, family, and others that have made me think. I need to get them out before I burst. I may wonder and ramble but I do have a point and I will get to it.

I often wonder, as many women do, if I am good enough. Am I pretty enough? Does my husband like what he sees? Am I skinny enough? Am I talented enough in the things I try to do? Am I a good enough hair dresser? Are my crafts as cute as the ones on the blog I saw or as good of a decorator as so and so...? Am I good mom? Along with those questions I have the questions that go with being the only child and revolve mostly having/being a sister. Will any one care for me like sisters care for each other? Will I be alone? Can I show the other women in my life how much I appreciate them?

These questions never seemed to be answered. I have heard all the talks in Conference, and other church meetings. I have read the scriptures and never can seem to make myself believe it. I have always been told that Utah is a special place, full of talented, beautiful, smart, wonderful moms. I feel "the pressure" to look and be as good as the rest of them. Not have what they have, but be what they are. As the prospect of moving has been on our mind I think "maybe I can escape that feeling where there are new people and I can start fresh in proving my self worthy"

But as I thought about all these things I think...there are going to be talented, skinny, beautiful, smart people where ever I go. The world is FULL of them! It is my pleasure to know many, many, many of them! And I am starting to realize that the "good enough" feeling is going to have to change from the inside out. I am starting to understand, in a very small way, what "they" mean. I need to remember that I am who I am. I am a woman, I am beautiful, I AM a daughter of God who loves me and knows me. I need to remind my self that my husband loves me. He tells me often, and he shows me all the time with the little things he does for me. I have a mom that loves me and shows me all the time. They think I am beautiful, not because I wear designer jeans or the latest fashion, but because I am me. I need to remind myself of that all the time! I need to quit seconded guessing my self. I may not be as good as everyone else, but I don't have to be. I don't need better or even as good as everyone else. I am who I am and thats OK. There is room for improvement, but there is in everybody. We all have things we are working on and that's OK.

Like I said before I have thought about sisters. What it means to be one, to have one. In the not so distant past, it used to bother me that I don't have one. I used to feel really alone in that aspect of my life. I watched my dear sister-in-law loose a baby and thought that maybe if I was her blood sister I could help her more or what I could do different to comfort her. I would wish I had a sister to call that would understand my problems that I am going through. I also have watched my mom over the years and see the loving way she comforts and talks to her siblings and what a great bond that is and be somewhat envious of that relationship. It sort of became a pity party for me.

But again thinking and reading and some "sole searching" I realized that I DO have sisters. My in-laws may not be blood related (and that is a really good thing or we would have some issues to work through) but I have been with them since I was 16 years old. I grew up with these wonderful girls. I have learned to lean on them, love them, sometimes even fight with them. I love them all. Kim, Heather, Jillynn and even Kady are all very much my sisters. We have our differences as do any sisters but I wouldn't trade any of them and they have helped me become who I am and willing (most of the time) put up with me. When Nichole married Nic, I realized I had gained another sister. I love her, we talk, we cry, we fight, and we play. She has listened to me, when I have had no one else to talk to. I realized that even though I am not her "sister" I did the best I could and can do to comfort her within the relationship that we have. Just because these "girls" are not blood related should not make me feel intimidated to help them and show them how much I appreciate them.

I am blessed to have the life I have and the people in it. I am glad that I have such a wonderful family. I love you all!